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Leena’s Food
“World’s Best Falafel”
121 Oakland Ave
Oakland, 15213
412-682-1919
M-F: 10-10; Sat 10-? (will close early if it’s slow)

Let me ask you: How often is there truth in advertising? Especially when the advertisement is so in your face? I mean, Gullifty’s doesn’t really have the best desserts, Thighmasters don’t really shape your legs, and Exxon isn’t really environmentally-friendly, no matter how many smiling fish they put in their commercials. Believe me, no flounder, polar bear, or sea lion on this planet is happy for Exxon’s existence. They aren’t swimming around saying “geez, I sure was mad those couple of times when they spilled toxic matter into my house, but now? ….well, I just love those guys.” Nope, it’s all a sham. It always is. You just can’t trust ‘em, whoever ‘ey are. So when I saw Leena’s “World’s Best Falafel” sign, I took it with a grain of salt. “Everyone thinks they’ve got the best something,” said jaded old me. I didn’t even try it right away, despite the fact that I love falafel even when its crap. It took me years to even give it a go. But I finally did, and I cannot even believe I was missing out this whole time! I was a die-hard Open Flame fanatic, but now I realize that that was just plain old falafel. This is Fa-lafel!

OK, so I can’t really say that it is the world’s best falafel. I have only had falafel in one other country, at Lenny Kravitz’s favorite falafel house in Paris, L’As du Fellafel in the Marais district. That falafel was sooo good, but a different presentation altogether. I ordered a platter instead of a sandwich, and it came with all kinds of little things on the side and a couple kinds of sauces. No Lenny Kravitz to be found except in the evidential pictures on the walls, but if you’re ever in Paris, this spot comes highly recommended. Then again, almost all the falafel in Paris is gonna be good.

So maybe I can’t say squat about what the world’s best falafel is, but I can surely speak for Pittsburgh. First of all, Leena’s used to be a truck on Pitt’s campus, but just this year they’ve finally moved into a shop without wheels. This is nice because you always know where to find them, and possibly they will do more than just the lunch hours. Leena’s has other foodstuffs you can get, like gyros, hummus, grape leaves, mousakka, all that, but I haven’t tried any of that yet. Just the falafel. I’m sure the other stuff is at least halfway decent, but I haven’t gone there. I do know that all the meat is halal, which is a good sign.

But since I only know the ways of the falafel sandwich, let me share them with you. The ways are this: lemony, pickley, fresh, good. The basics of a falafel sandwich are traditionally pita bread, deep-fried chick-pea patties (that is the falafel), lettuce, and tomato. If you’ve had one before, you have probably had it with the creamy sauce that tops a gyro sandwich. This creamy sauce is way good, but I have no idea if it belongs on falafel. At Leena’s, that creamy sauce is nowhere to be found on the falafel sandwich.

Before you go huff and puff, let me tell you something – its damn good without it. I don’t think that normally it would be, but at Leena’s it is. That’s because there is something else special on it that I’ve not had on other falafel sandwiches in the ‘Burgh. A sort of lemony lettuce slaw and some pickled something-or-others are packed in with the slightly crushed falafels, and this changes the very nature of the sandwich. Instead of dry discs with a wet, creamy sauce to choke it down with, its more like moist balls with a juicy, tart lettuce bed and crunchy pickles all the way down. By the way, the pickles aren’t like Vlasic dills or something. I’m not even sure what veggie they are. I just know they are really good. And the lettuce slaw stuff is so great because there is plenty of lemon, including rind without pith, which is trés yummy. Even the falafels themselves are a little different, being green on the inside and the flavor of exotic spices.

But enough about falafel. I think by now you know that I like it a lot. There is but one other thing I must mention. The purveyor of said World’s Best Falafel is kinda….strange. Well, maybe not for the men of the world, but any lady of child-bearing age should go prepared to talk about their reproductive health and family planning. Why? He just asks about it – that’s why. He plays it off like he doesn’t usually ask people about this kind of thing and he’s sorry for getting too personal, but trust me – he’s done it a million times. One day he’ll ask you “Are you married?” and it’ll all go downhill from there. If you say “no”, then it’s “When will you get married? You have a boyfriend?” If you say “yes”, then it’s “Do you have kids yet?” and if you don’t have kids, watch out! Its all “Why” and “What’s the matter?” and all of the sudden you are discussing your fertility with the falafel guy.

I bet it is better for mothers because then you can just smile and nod about the wonders of children. Probably, non-moms should just lie and say you’ve got kids already. Just come up with a name and an age and a token story about the school play, and you’ve got it made. Think of your little niece, Emily, or Fifi the Chihuahua, and I bet it will be convincing enough. Even easier would be saying your single and boyfriendless, but he does look for the rings. That sneak!

As for me, he already knows my story, so I am doomed to pestering questions every single time I go for a sandwich. What about when I am preggers one day? Will he be the first one to find out because I happened to go get a sandwich that day? Will I get falafel on the house? When I decide to start ‘trying’, do I have to tell him? Will he know before my mother? There is a little period of time after you find out you are gonna pop one out where you keep it to yourself, lest something should go wrong. If I lie during that time and say I still am not having kids yet, and then six months later I’m bulging out on all sides, will he feel wronged? Ultimately, I don’t care how he feels, but it sure makes getting a falafel a lot more difficult when you have to navigate waters such as these!

Not to mention the fact that someday he’ll likely ask the wrong person these questions. Some people are sensitive, and others have real fertility issues. They aren’t going to want to talk about it with this yahoo. And why is he asking anyway? Does he just love new life so much that he can’t contain himself? Does he ask married men if they have kids yet? If not, why is it just women? Is it some backwards way of flirting with the college girlys? He honest-to-god loves his kids, you can tell, and maybe he just wants all people to share in the joys of parenthood, but does he have to ask about your plans? Why can’t he just yammer on about his own kids without prodding into your life? Does he not yet realize that the kind of women he’s imploring to have children ASAP are also mostly career-oriented? He is located in the middle of a university campus and UPMC! My God, we’ve got enough family, social, and biological pressure to have babies without this guy telling us to every time we want a good lunch!

But you see, that is how good the falafel is at Leena’s. That I would withstand all this, and still go back all the time to get more of that luscious sandwich….it really says something. So if you are looking for a good falafel sandwich, definitely go here. Especially men and single, boyfriendless women. Everyone else, think about your story before you go and you’ll have years of peaceful falafel bliss.

GET:
Falafel Sandwich

DON’T GET:
Into a conversation about your birthing plans

SNEAKY TIP:
The less busy the place is, the more likely you are to have one of these aforementioned fertility conversations. This is one place that may be better to go to during the rush!