Once upon a time, back in my early days of neuroimaging, back when I was a youngin without a care in the world and no shape except for that which my undergrad degree and adolescent years had lent to me, back when I didn’t yet know a thing about beer, way way way way way wayyyyyy back then, I went to Fathead’s for my first time. In fact, it was some kind of Yay-We-Opened-This-New-Brain-Imaging-Center! celebration, so a whole brainiac group was there. I knew nothing of this Fat Head’s place, and to be honest I was a little nervous sitting down to dine and drink with all these professors and post-docs and people who generally knew approximately 5 million times the amount that I did at the time. I was just gonna play it cool and be a meek dumb girl and order a salad, but then – I looked at the menu. And nothing… no one… was gonna stop me from ordering ex-act-ly what I wanted. Which, by the way, was this fantastical kielbasa sausage sandwich with fried onions and horseradish sauce and cheese and then on top of all that it was stuffed with PIEROGIES! STUFFED WITH PIEROGIES! Like, IN the sandwich! It was a fantasy I never knew I had come true! I could not believe my eyes! I had to have it! Now, my eyes are not typically bigger than my tummy, but when this sandwich arrived it threw me for a loop. It was positively gargantuan — like Shaggy and Scooby-Doo sized. I looked everywhere for a string to tie it smaller with, but to no avail. Instead, I just had to open wide and stick it all in there. With all these smart people all around me! And also somehow I had the biggest sandwich, so all of a sudden it became “watch Erika put this whole thing in her mouth” time (stop thinking that dirty joke, neither he nor she said anything). Now, most of y’all don’t know me all that well, but this sort of situation tends to happen to me a lot and as a result I can switch from tentative to balls to the wall in less than one second. “Roll up those sleeves and just take a bite!” I said to myself. And as I geared up to do so, by, you know, unhinging my jaw and whatnot, somebody whipped out their camera and, unbeknownst to me, snapped an action shot just as I was taking my first gluttonous bite. This pic was of course blown up and printed and put on the hallway wall for all the world to see. Perhaps this was just meant as a demonstration of all the extracurricular merriment that ensues among neuroscientists, but it served double duty as a constant reminder that, boy, do I really know how to pack it away! But, suffice it to say, I have no regrets as everything worked out awesomely for me AND I got to eat this rad sandwich. In fact, I work with a lot of these people still and I doubt any of them remembers that sandwich nearly as much as I do. But, I DO remember that sandwich. And every other sandwich I’ve ever had there. Because they are all really pretty good! I’ve never had something I did not like here, beer or food, and though the dishes are monstrous in size, they are not in price, so actually this is a great place to eat overall. Of course, you need 6000 calories in your budget, but if you are up for an indulgent, delicious, mouth-watering, original and unusual sandwich concoction that follows through with its promise of delectability, then Fat Head’s is definitely your place for dinner. And, unless you are going with a bunch of neuroscientists who apparently like to document such things, get sloppy and eat the bejeezus out of whatever you get, cuz that is the only way to do it!

Now, like I said, the most noticeable thing about the menu is for sure the debaucherous attitude with which the sandwiches are formulated. Their names are perhaps evocative enough: Beer Camp, Bay of Pigs, Beauty & the Beasty, King Bob Burger, Cool Colossal Club, McMinn’s Chicken Dance, Fat Capp, and of course the blatently straightforward ‘Artery Clogger’. I guess the names aren’t very good at evoking what might be IN the sandwiches, but they certainly evoke a particular mental state, one that represents the thrill of knowingly eating something so goddamned bad for you. A reverie in the naughty. I mean, reading the menu is like rolling around in a kiddie pool filled with mayonnaise. You just look at everything with wonderment and disbelief and when you finally pick something and order, you get so excited for it to arrive that when it does you just pause to think, “I’m gonna eat the FUCK out of you!!” and give it a little wink before chomping down hard. Or.. maybe that’s just me.

But, I can’t imagine not being excited about what you are ordering here, unless you are trying to eat healthy, in which case you may be filled with a sense of longing and regret as you stealthily peer over your salad towards everyone else’s sandwiches piled high with meats and cheeses and eggs and pierogies and sausages and fried onions and 3 different kinds of mayo, hot sauces, and all manner of other delicious fatty things. Like that one scene in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure after he loses his precious red bicycle and then immediately his world is filled with all kinds of people joyously partaking in riding two-wheeled pedaled vehicles of all kinds, tricycles and unicycles, giant bikes and tiny ones, tandem riders, kids and old people, lovers and loners — rebels — and they are everywhere all around, just inadvertently rubbing it in so hard. Just remember, you are doing the right thing! That little wet and wilted leaf is DELICIOUS! That fat free dressing doesn’t feel vacant — that’s just a void where the flavor of fresh, raw vegetables can seep in and fill you with a pure joy unlike any other!

OK – I’m trying my best here, but really if you go to Fat Head’s while you are on a diet, you are pretty much playing that game on expert mode. Can you handle it? It’ll take down the best of ‘em. The temptation is just too great! This is the final boss level, is all I am sayin’. If you aren’t equipped with three jars of fairies, just don’t bother. Either don’t go, OR, my recommendation — go and eat the FUCK out of it! (sensing a pattern?) Enjoy it to completion, and try not to make a habit of it.

Now, I think I may be unintentionally bashing the salads, which I do not mean to do. They are actually pretty great, but as is the trend with restaurant salads, they can be as bad for you as anything else on the menu, with all their cheeses and fries and the dressings are just LOADED with fat, and then throw in grilled meats and vegetables. It’s just a leaf-coated heart attack waiting to happen. Not Fat Head’s specifically, just all restaurant salads, particularly in Pittsburgh. If you ARE trying to eat healthfully, maybe your best bet is the Grilled Shrimp Salad, or something with grilled chicken, hold the condiments. Sorry Fat Head’s… but you know this is true! It is just not your specialty!

OK OK – you get it – it’s bad for you, blah blah blah, now I’m starting to make you feel bad for eating any food at all, let alone here, so let me reassert that the food here is DE-LISH-US! So good. SO good. There’s some common themes running throughout the menu, food items that pop up again and again, like fried eggs, interesting mayos (rosemary, hot cherry pepper), a myriad of sauces (barbecue, dark mustards, jalepeno cheddar cheese, ranch, thousand island, italian), toasted buns and buttered bread, hot pepper kraut, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Add to that all of their wing sauces, and you’ve got Fat Head’s’ sandwich palette ready to paint you almost any sandwich you want. Your only job is to read through the menu to see if they’ve got the combo you so desire.

My current favorite is the Meatless Millie, in which pierogies are the primary substance, topped with roasted red peppers, hot pepper kraut (can be delivered as plain kraut too), swiss cheese and thousand island dressing!!! You don’t understand how perfect this sandwich is made for me. I love all those things individually — a LOT. Especially the pierogies and thousand island dressing, but also the kraut and the roasted red peppers, and also the swiss cheese. So, pretty much this is a match made in heaven for me. I love it. Can’t get enough. Having problems ordering anything else. It will be the death of me.

But there’s all sorts of other good things here too. Everyone seems to have the one sandwich they are obsessed with at the moment, so I am not really sure how to go about recommending things other than to say you have to reach deep down to what toppings make you happiest and hope that they’ve got something on the menu as perfect for you as the Meatless Millie is for me. I have friends who swear by the Steak & Hot Sausage Sub, the Mojo Chicken Sub, and the Carribean Killer sauce, either on the sandwich or the wings (supa-hot!). BTW, the wings are also pretty darn good, and can be chargrilled, which I highly recommend. Different, tasty, worth a try. As I recall the wings have a grilled component even when fried as normal, so give them a go if you are into wings at all. They have a pretty good deal on Mondays, 40-cent wings. I think their Salt & Vinegar ones are cool, mostly because that isn’t really commonly offered. They also have buffalo shrimp, which is what you think it is, and is one of those dishes that is newly showing up everywhere and is one brilliant freakin idea. I actually haven’t had it at Fatheads, but based on everything else I know, it is probably worth trying (I’ll do some homework and get back to you).

As much as the sandwiches shine, their sides are more risky. In particular, their potato chips, which they make on their own, have a wide amount of variability in their awesomeness. When they are good, they are sooooo soooo sooo soo so good, but they are thick cut and sometimes aren’t quite as cooked as they ought to be. I really don’t like when I get a homemade chip that’s bendy and chewy and that requires ripping action from my teeth to get a piece off. Chips should always be snapping at the bite, or if they have a heft to them, be cooked through rather than maintaining their waxiness such that a simple bite will do. I dunno – I have mixed feelings about recommending them because I get burned more often than not, but it doesn’t really matter because they make absolutely no substitutions on the chips vs. fries dimension, so if you get a sandwich that comes with chips, just hope that where they may lay is in the category of perfected.

OH MY GOD I ALMOST DIDN’T TALK ABOUT BEER! They’ve got it. A grrrrrreat selection. Great selection of IPAs, tons of stuff on tap, microbrews, and some made by their own brewery just for them. It’s awesome. Definitely, this is a great place to get a beer. And watch a game. Or, one time me and my friend were airbrushed to look like a giraffe and a tiger and we went there for a beer, and even though no one else was in a costume, no body seemed to care. Everyone was just united by the awesomeness of their beer! Oh, by the way it was Halloween. That is relevant.

Also, remember that sandwich I first ever had that I was talking about in the intro with the sausage and the pierogies n@? It is called The Southside Slopes Headwich, and according to the menu it was apparently voted the 5th best sandwich in America, by Maxim no less. No wonder I felt like I needed a cigarette after that meal!

So bottom line: Fat Head’s cuts the mustard, not the cheese, and I think you should definitely go there. I don’t care what kind of age or socioeconomic status you are, I’m pretty sure you’ll find something satisfactory about your experience at Fat Head’s. You should especially make an effort to go if you like spicy things, love beer, or just lost 10 pounds and want a reward meal. Just know that this place is no secret, so you may have to wait for a table. Almost all the time. But it is worth it, so go go go! And if you are planning on running for president someday, don’t let anyone take any pics of you eating the FUCK out of that sandwich!

GET:
Anything that tickles your taste buds
Meatless Millie
Try the wings if you are into that sort of thing
Beer!

DON’T GET:
I am concerned about their chips

SNEAKY TIP:
At the Pittsburgh location (they’ve got another in Cleaveland), you can get 6-packs and growlers, so if you love good beer like I do, and you live closer to Fatheads than you are to D’s or Sharp Edge, that is awesome news.

Yay for new restaurants! Salt, NaCl, Salt of the Earth, whatever you want to call it, has been getting tons of press, and as a result, tons of play. I’ve been twice now, both for birthdays oddly enough, and I’ve eaten enough to say that it is worth spending your money on. Of course, I am not without reservations (when am I ever), but NaCl is verifiably good. It is as if someone took a restaurant from Philadelphia and planted it here. Why Philly? Because when a restaurant in Philly looks like it’ll be good, it usually is (unlike here, as I harped on in my Quality-Expectation Probability graph). Salt has the look of a pleasant place, and turns out it is. Note that I do not pick New York. Now, a chef could get mad about that — seems like everyone wants be compared to NYC like it is the gold standard, the solid silver cloud to strive for, the sour cream topped cheesecake in the sky paired with a flute of Krug Clos du Mesnil after which everyone gets in the roof top penthouse hot tub and parties till that one lonely coyote in Central Park howls at the moon. But WHY would we want that? Well, I can see wanting it (at least the hot tub part, and maybe the lonely coyote part too), but it is foolish to covet a scene so anathema to our own. Leads only to frustration. Pittsburghers hate hoity toity, and the whole vibe of the city eschews anything too superficially beautiful. Nope, we like it raw here, a gritty sort of beauty that parallels the phoenix-like life cycle the city may be experiencing. You know – it is soooo cool how the downtown buildings are all old styles, because we didn’t have enough money in the 80′s to tear them down and replace them with the gaudy architecture popular at the time. Nope, we have risen from the ashes with a downtown full of beautiful recycled buildings, varied in their stylings from decades past. It makes our city really unique in an awesome and nearly impossible to plan way. I like how the architecture of the city accepts itself, for the most part, rather than trying really hard to be something it is not. And I seriously think the restaurant, and bar scenes especially, need to follow suit. Salt of the Earth is accomplishing this delicate balance quite well, as it is excellent in a haute cuisine kind of way while maintaining a strong Steel City identity. The perfect mixture of elegant and down&dirty, acidic and basic, sour, bitter, sweet, and … salty! Oh, and don’t forget umami, that meaty tongue-coating flavor. Yup – Welcome to Pittsburgh, NaCl — you can coat my tongue any day!

NaCl is as good at pulling off a mixture of unassumingness with high-end fare as it is at pulling off mixtures of flavors. The first thing you will notice about the menu will surely be that each dish is a composition of complementary yet sometimes unexpected properties. The current menu, for example, has an appetizer of shrimp with green apple, chocolate, jalepeno, and citrus. And an entree consisting of striped bass with couscous, pomegranate, coconut, and cheddar. Innovative combos; pulling it off. I see a lot of places try to do this type of thing, but completely fail. So often the end result is simply the sum of its parts, never attaining that ethereal level of individual tastes annealing to a whole new all-encompassing plane of flavor. Yah, this guy tries to put together some pretty interesting things and almost always succeeds. It is a gift.

And just who is ‘this guy’? ‘This guy’ is named Kevin Sousa, and I first heard of him when he worked at Bigelow Grille downtown. At the time, Bigelow Grille offered Molecular Gastronomy — you know that kind of thing where you get a hard bubble of thin, brittle caramel filled with a gaseous form of clove oil that condenses when you burst it in your mouth, followed by Jameson lamb that has been turned into a foam-like substance that you eat with a spoon that smells like caradamom. Or something. Weird-ass shit that I am DYING TO TRY! But sadly have yet to get to do. It is a form of culinary adventure hardly offered anywhere in the world, let alone Pittsburgh. I am amazed that it was here at all, however briefly, and am so so sad that I missed it. And I don’t know exactly why it disappeared, though I could take a random stab at it and suggest that it probably has something to do with patron timidness to try foamed meats… But who can know for sure? In fact, I don’t even know if the results were successful, but I do know that any chef who has spent a good chunk of time even attempting to hone skills in the alchemy of food must have come to a new level of understanding with regard to putting flavors and textures together. At the very least, he must have some pretty interesting and unusual ideas.

Then Kevin went on to do the brunches at Yo Rita, which I did have the pleasure to partake of and which were delicious. The things he put together for Yo Rita were kind of a prelude of what was to come at Salt. Kind of unsual things put together with a fancy sheen over the top. Although at Yo Rita, the concoctions were crafted in a predominantly Mexican-ish fashion, as per the theme of the restaurant. Then, he started putting together his own eatery, NaCl, somewhere’s abouts in there. A place where he could stretch his culinary legs and be innovative without censorship from a boss-man. And he started building this place what seemed like forever ago. Ages and ages! I used to live down the street and watch it come together bit by bit. He had occasional dinners that would be super cheap (in comparison) in the unfinished space to preview the whole shebang, all of which I found out about too late of course. Dagnabbit. And I’d read his blog, and wonder, and go to Yo Rita, and check the blog and wonder, and go to Yo Rita, and check the blog again and wonder some more…. And then I moved a bit further away and forgot alllll about it, until one day I got invited to a birthday dinner there. SCORE! It was a great surprise!

OK well yet again I have waited 4 paragraphs to actually mention food! So let me just mention it, just for a sec, real quick. First of all, the appetizers are almost always scrumptious. AND they are not too small. You could eat one by yourself for dinner, if you are on the cheap. Or you can easily split them two or three ways. Or your group of 6 or 8 could order alllll the appetizers and pass the dutchie on the left hand side. All of these things are desirable. I do not recommend completely skipping the appetizers. They are each special, well thought out, and delightful. In fact, even though I usually do not appreciate how the tapas style is implemented in American restaurants, Salt could easily go the tapas route and I would not at all be disappointed.

But I’d never want the entrees to disappear! Nosiree! The first time I went I had a most delectable concoction. Pork belly (YUM!) on a pretzel polenta (interesting…) with some other stuff (can’t remember) and a sassafrass sauce (ohwowthiswassogoodmyheadnearly’sploded). This was a great example of a set of somewhat unusual ingredients coming together to not only be complementary but transcendant as a whole. I loved it! (obviously) Another time I was there I got the hanger steak, which was served with an assortment of japanese-y/asian-y flavors (dashi, soba noodles, peanuts, chili). There were also some red jalepenos thrown in for good measure, well balanced by the earthy fire-reducing shiitake and crimini mushrooms also floating in the broth at the bottom of the bowl. This was really good – perfectly cooked steak (the rare end of medium rare – by the way they did not ask how I wanted it cooked, if it matters to you that it be more well done) with a set of flavors that came together to form a whole. Yet somehow it was not like ohwowthiswassogoodmyheadnearly’sploded, which continues to puzzle me. It is like all the pieces fell into place but the picture they created was just a couple of kittens rather than some kind of intricate three dimensional statue of liberty jigsaw. It was still totally awesome though (think really really really cute kittens), and TOTES worth the cash I spent on it.

Sorry I am not being super specific about the dishes themselves. You see, NaCl has a revolving menu. Maybe every month or something? Every couple of weeks? I’m not really sure. On the static-dynamic menu dimension defined from a place like Tessaro’s, which has a tried-and-true ages-old menu with an additional rotating special list, to a place like Vivo, who’s menu changes on a daily basis to incorporate whatever random thing the chef found in the Strip that day, I place Salt towards the dynamic Vivo end. But not all the way at it, since you can rely on Salt to have the same dishes for at least a couple weeks. But also, NaCl is definitely closer to that dynamic end than a place like Girasole, who has 4 menus it rotates between, relatively fixed, and tied to the season. It is pretty smart actually. There is such a buzz about Salt of the Earth that a mysteriously rotating menu gives it that “Ohhhh, you haven’t had the pork loin with celeriac yet?? it is to DIE for… you might want to go there this week just in case it falls off the end of the menu” factor. It is almost a keeping-up-with-the-Jones’ attitude towards whether or not you’ve had the star dishes of the current menu. Kinda weird, but brilliant for business. Also probably not intentional. But whatever, it works!

So I can’t really tell you to try this or try that. All I can do is give you guidelines. For example, everyone who has ever had pork of any kind has uber-loved it, so obviously this restaurant has a special way with pigs. Also, the chef very cleverly uses poached eggs. I’m not particularly a poached egg lover, but I definitely like every dish I have had this incorporated in here. And also it is not a commonly offered ingredient outside of Eggs Bennie, so that is kind of cool. As I mentioned, the appetizers are almost universally good so you should never fear ordering those. Also, the whole restaurant, though it has a meat heavy menu, is actually very veggie friendly. There is always one specifically veggie dish, but also you can get a veggie version of some (maybe all?) of their otherwise meat dishes (substituting tempeh for meat or something). And finally, their wine list is awesome, AND they have amazing cocktails because they have a couple of inventive mixologists on staff. Like, you could just go there to drink (and I know some people who do). Hang out at the bar, drink the cocktails, maybe have an app. It is semi-affordable that way.

And of course, not really all that affordable otherwise, unless you are bank. Yet, it still draws the pocketbooks of less financially stable individuals, grad students and the like. It just really is that good that people who normally could never fit it in their budget will make room. And you know that is a testament because if it was a big disappointment, it would be all you hear about. Instead, it is the kind of place you could bring your parents, if you are younger and want a nice meal on their tab. Or, if you make near to or over 6 figures you could eat there frequently, putting it on your list of regular spots alongside Point Brugge, Le Pommier, Casbah, and Umi. But no matter what your income you should at least try to go there once. It is warm and intimate and adventurous and delicious, and even though it comes at a price, it is worth every penny.

GET:
Appetizers
Cocktails
Anything with Pork

DON’T GET:
I’m not really sure what to say for once. Definitely sometimes things don’t come out as awesome as you expect, but I haven’t figured out a rhyme or reason to give a guideline with. I’ll update this if I come up with one I guess.

SNEAKY TIP:
Seating is interesting here. There is the bar, which is awesome b/c it is right up against the kitchen, like it IS the kitchen, just on the opposite side of the work area. That is awesome with just two people, because you can watch all the inner workings of the process and maybe talk to the people doing to cooking too. And Kevin, ever the rock star chef, is usually right there prepping stuff right in front of you. There is also a main area where the seating is first-come first-serve and there are long tables that you share with whoever else happens to be there, and I mean strangers share your table. Kind of family style. The chairs are just little blocks, almost like a bench for one. This area fills up rather quickly since the hype for Salt is still sooooo high, so get there early if you do not want to wait. Finally, if you want the reassurance of a reservation, they do make them, however the reservations ALL get sat upstairs, where there are more intimate tables just for your group. It is a bit like you are in the elite section up there. You might like this, or you might prefer to be in the heat and action of the downstairs setting, which is always abuzz. And finally again (this time for real), if you have a big group and make a reservation, there is a little room at the top of the stairs which is open, but is also somehow private, where they can create a giant square table. Sitting in there is gangsta! Like you feel like you could be a mob boss b/c you have the sweet awesome back room all to yourself with very special service from the staff. It is kinda goofy, but that can be fun sometimes. Though honestly, I think I like the spot at the bar best, right next to all the delicious food.

As long as I am writing up places that requested my opinion, I think I will finally get around to Quiet Storm. Jill from Quiet Storm actually wrote to me many moons ago, in 2006, requesting my criticism. At the time, I felt underqualified to issue a response, since I had only been there a couple times and not terribly recently at that. Moreover, my impression was, at the time, that they were inconsistent and on some dishes failing to meet the mark of success. I didn’t want to be a jerk and review at request only to say bad things, so I resolved to saddle up and give it a square and fair shake. Buuuuuuutttttttttttt, I sorrrrrta never got around to that, and many years have passed since those summer days among the fields of barley… THEN, about a year and a half ago I moved just down the street from it. And all of a sudden I was studying there frequently and regularly attending brunches. And all of a sudden my world came alive! I have come to greatly appreciate Quiet Storm’s role in my life, delivering unto me delightfully affordable curry-of-the-day, tofu-scramble and delectable milkshakes! I still think they suffer from inconsistency (and an occasional fly or two buzzing around), but nevertheless with the things they do well they’ve managed to secure a firm hold in my culinary heart.

First thing to say is that Quiet Storm is entirely vegetarian, and partially vegan. If you are not into that sort of thing, just move along little doggie. Move right along. Although… wait… don’t go just yet! I think if you are even a little curious about vegetarian dining, you might give a couple things at the Quiet Storm a shot. What exactly do I recommend though… Well, let me just give you some guidelines. They have a lot of meat substitutes that they use rather creatively, but if you are a firm meat enthusiast and this is your first foray into what probably seems like an unfamiliar and frightening foreign foodscape, probably getting fake meat will just make you wish you had real meat. For you, I recommend getting stuff that is made mostly with vegetables, and if you get a protein of some kind, make it be something that isn’t trying to be like a fake meat at all – like the tofu-scramble is just firm crumbled up bits of tofu that are DELICIOUS! I swear, try it and see what you think, you little meat-eater you! You just might like it! It is not at all like any meat anything but it fills that need for the savory dense part of the meal. And, well, if this does not work for you, you can always get a milkshake or two, because every single one of them is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

OK OK I am getting a little ahead of myself here. I can’t just name drop these dishes and not really talk about them. But I am not really sure how exactly to organize this, so instead I am just going to launch into a list of dishes and things I really like, with no particular care about the framework of the order.

Firstly, they have these homefries that are freakin amaaaaaazing! It is a big ole pile of potatoes with eggs or the aforementioned delicious scrambled tofu, plus homemade soy sausage, some cheddar and mozz cheeses, PICKLED onions, and this totally amazing mayo aioli thing all over the top of it. This is a TON of food, and finishing it is no easy task, but it is sooooo good I just have to get it most of the time. They have modifications of this basic dish too, with roasted veggies, chili, fake bacon, etc etc. I’m sure the other ones are fine but I really can’t say because I am so obsessed with the original (called the QHF), I really can’t get any other version of the homefries for fear that if I do so then somehow that will mean that I never get the QHF again, either because they take it off the menu for some unknown reason in the meantime or because I found out that there might be something better out there. And I am not ready to move on yet! It is like I have a boyfriend made of potatoes, and I eat the shit out him! No – I will not stray on you QHF – you might just have me forever!

OK – that’s getting weird… Now I will move on to the curries. They have a different one every day! Isn’t that sooooo cool?! It’s like soup du jour, but CURRY! I know of no other place in Pittsburgh that does this, but it just makes so much sense. I love the concept very very much. Also, it’s cheap as heck to get a bowl of it and it really fills you. It is not ALWAYS perfect in execution though. I think I like the concept a lot more than the product. But… it’s so the right price that I think this works out. It is usually good, only occasionally bland, and never ever bad. And it is only $5! Also, they are usually quite inventive with the curries, using whatever they have fresh at hand, cashews, pineapple, beets or sweet potatoes or lentils or whatever. It’s almost always a little bit unusual, and it makes for a really fun experience because you never know what it will be when you go in. I definitely like this if I am on the cheap or in for a quick lunch.

For an appetizer –the tofu tenders definitely will do. I’ve had a few meat-converts because of this app. Well… maybe ‘convert’ is a strong term – it is more like a switchover from meat-only to I’ll-eat-meat-and-also-this-tofu-tender. But hey, that’s progress! I’ve also had their breadstyx, which were good but also not astoundingly better than anywhere else I’ve eaten such things. Some things that I think came off poor in the execution were the Pierogidilla (sounds like a smashing idea but just doesn’t quite come together), the Ginger Sunflower Hot Plate (brown rice + sweet potatoes + veggies, scrambled tofu, and peanut-ginger sauce sounds like a great combo but comes out just kinda blah), and the Muesli. I really appreciate that they offer things like Muesli, but it just wasn’t that good. Sorry guys. It could definitely be better in some way I can’t quite put my finger on (not the most constructive criticism, for which I apologize, but all I can say is that I never want to finish the whole bowl – which definitely means something is wrong! Or maybe Muesli is just not as much to my taste as I think it is…). But I LOVE that they offer this stuff, and by stuff I mean healthful and hearty menu items. The FYG, Fruit Yogurt Granola, is another example of a healthful menu item that I love that they offer. And they have so many more things that fall under this category that I dream about getting.

But, that leads me to addressing the whole inconsistency thing. Because sometimes I get those menu items and they are just kind of a waste of money. This makes me sometimes hesitant to try new things that fall into that same rough category. For example, I have my eye on this dish they’ve got now called Nyam, which they describe as ‘Jamaican-inspired cornmeal & coconut pudding, with roasted sweet potatoes, bananas, & cinnamon-maple syrup.’ WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! That sounds sOOoooOOooOOooOOooOOOoooooOO good! I want it! But I am afraid! What if it is a huge disappointment??? I couldn’t take it! And maybe also QHF would break up with me!

Don’t worry guys – I am not insane.

Some things that I hear are really good but I haven’t had are the Peanut Noodles, the Mac n Cheese (great for a fast meal too b/c it’s always ready to go), and the Spicy Peanut Wrap. I’ve heard the burritos are hit or miss and I haven’t explored them enough to say for myself (so far my adventures in QS burritos are more on the miss side, but some people swear by them so I am continuing to sample when possible). Also, when they have specials they are usually pretty good. They had this potato pancake special the other day that had a trio of latkes, one root veggie one with a creamy dill sauce, a traditional one with thick homemade applesauce, and a SWEET potato one with the most DELICIOUS clove yogurt sauce. WOW I could eat that clove yogurt sauce ALL DAY LONG. And the sweet potato pancake was rad! MMM! But, again, perfect example of inconsistency because while the sweet potato one was superb, the other two were nothing to write home about. (totally worth it to get the sweet potato one though).

Finally, I just gotta talk about the milkshakes. THEY ARE SO AMAZING! SO good. SO GOOD! Every single one I have tried is great. And I have been on a mission for the past year to try a new one every time. Before that I used to only get the chocolate peanut butter one, which is phenomenally good. The peanut butter is completely whirred up in the shake so there are no chunks of any kind – just the godly nectar that is chocolate and peanut butter in a sweet, sweet union of flavor. I’ve had at least a dozen new shakes since then and I’ve been really in love with the fruity flavored shakes, like the Pinky Swear (vanilla with hibiscus tea, cranberry, pomegranate, raspberry), the Pear Vanilla (has nutmeg too – nice fall flavor without feeling too heavy), the PIPELINE is great (vanilla, melon, lime, coconut – SOO good), and all the ones under the “Juicy” category of the shake menu – the Mimosa (vanilla, orange, cherry) and Key Lime Pie notably. Had the Pomango the other day too – awesome! Other delightful ones are the Ginger Lemon (only get if you like that flavor combo generally, otherwise you might find it a bit unusual), and the Pumpkin Pie (great for the pumpkin-obsessed — I know you are out there!). The only ones I have ever been mildy disappointed by are the Chai Shake and the Green Tea Shake, both of which sounded very promising but were too mildly flavored to be distinct.

OK well that’s about everything. I think you should definitely try it, meat-eater or not. Quiet Storm is great if for no other reason than that they are really trying to bring it on. However, there are a couple minor things I feel like I have to mention. For example, some people might get the impression that it is not super clean. I mean it doesn’t seem super clean, although I am positive that it is. It just has that grunge feel to it. Also, the clientele is a lot of the hipster elite and heroin chic. It is almost like a wildlife viewing spot, it is such a draw for that crowd. Watch them in their native environment! However, do NOT throw marshmallows at them. It is not polite, and also marshmallows are not technically vegetarian. Listen, all I am trying to say is that these things should not be drawbacks to dining at the Quiet Storm, and they certainly aren’t for me – but… I am well aware that some people would find them to be. SO, if you are hoity toity and/or want white table cloths, unsassy service, and to be surrounded by homogenous normal folk, you might not even bother. Likewise, if a fly buzzing in and zooming around the room because the door has been left open because they don’t have a/c in the summer is troublesome to you, again – you might not even bother. Quiet Storm is just a real casual, dressed-down place with reasonably good and sometimes excellent vegetarian/vegan comfort fare with a flair for interesting menu items and a strong commitment to providing all of what it does to the Pittsburgh community. I only wish they were open past 6pm on the weekdays so I could enjoy them just that much more! OH and I just noticed their new 2010 hours are till 9pm on the weekdays – so SWEET! They made my wish come true!

GET:
Almost anything that includes the “tofu-scramble”
Homefries!!!
MILKSHAKES!!!!
If you order from other parts of the menu, my guide is to stick with things that are either spicy-ish or that have an aioli of some kind.
If you order food you can get a bottomless cup of coffee – great for those long workin-on-laptop-in-a-coffee-shop days…

DO NOT GET:
Muesli is just kind of disappointing
My guide for not ordering is to stay away from anything that meets your mental picture of the word “hearty”. Whatever that means.

SNEAKY TIP:
If you are a chick, try to get waited on by the tall, cute, dark-haired boy named Tommy. Some say his eyes are like the ocean after a quiet storm(!), and he’s po – po and perfect… But no really, he is, I swear, the #1 most posted about dude on Missed Connections (you know, on craigslist), and is so for a reason. He’s a flirt and a half and believe me you, he will greatly improve your meal by at least two Zagat ratings!

So a funny thing happened to me on the way to the internet forum. I got asked to do a tasting for a restaurant! Like, it gets paid for and I get a $25 gift certificate to give one of yinz readers!! (hang tight till the end of the review to find out how to win!) I find this funny because, well, my whole reason I am doing this site is because I love food and not because I want to make any kind of money or fame (though some money might support my ability to actually eat out anywhere, hint hint), and so the review writing style is goofy as hell and therefore it surprises me that I got picked up on enough to get asked to do something professional-seeming like this. In any case, I was invited to taste and review The Sonoma Grille, in downtown Pittsburgh. And I gotta say, out of the Pittsburgh restaurants downtown, I think it’s not half bad. Which, by my calculations, makes it at least greater-than-half good. Even with the caveat that I was essentially paid to write this review whilst they got to put their prettiest pedicured foot forward.

Like so many of the fine-ish dining places in Pittsburgh, Sonoma Grille flirts dangerously with what I call the Quality-Expectation Interaction. By this I essentially mean that when there is even a particle of an air of grandeur to a Pittsburgh restaurant, there is an increased probability of meal mediocrity. Check out this graph:

First thing to notice is that this is not just a plot of food quality as ‘yum vs. blarg’. This is a plot of the probability of perceived food quality given one’s prior expectation of what the food quality is going to be. It is an important distinction, because a large part of why we like or dislike foods has to do with our imaginations of what the food is going to be like once we are eating it. For example, I can’t help but feel a little secretly disappointed at Kaya a lot of the time, because the description of the meal and its delectable ingredients is often better than the meal itself (I know someone out there agrees with me!!). Maybe I just have incredibly high standards, but if you explicitly make the meal sound good, or you implicitly make it seem like it must be good by slapping a high price onto it, then it ought to be at least as good as the advertising suggests, if not mind-blowing.

Oh, but it so rarely is. So on the graph, basically, the more of a hole-in-the-wall a place is, the better the food is guaranteed to be. The fancier the place, the more likely it is to be mediocre. There’s a bunch of places in the middle that are hard to categorize because they are inconsistent, as groups, at matching their quality with the expectations. Like, some sports bars have awesome food and are nice to hang out in, but also lots have just one or the other of those things. Compare that to a category like ethnic hole-in-the-wall restaurants, which, as a group, tend to be consistently good. Then on the other end of the spectrum, I argue that fancy places can be clearly clustered into two groups, with a heavy density of blarg-I-can’t-believe-I-paid-so-much-money-for-that-but-its-still-kinda-baseline-ok. However, there does exist that outlier cluster. They *can* be good, but the predominant category, at least in Pittsburgh, is pretty lame for the amount of money they make you pay. I can only assume that this stems from the bank-Pittsburghers continuing to patron expensive restaurants in spite of their tendency to be mediocre, though I don’t know exactly why. It doesn’t really make sense that they’d just want to pay exorbitant amounts of money for food, no matter the quality, but I do suppose that maybe they like the feel of going out to fancy restaurants but because there aren’t too many good ones the mediocre ones get a natural boost just because we crave variety? I really don’t know but there’s some kind of restaurant evolutionary pressure goin’ on in this town for sure, to be explored in other posts.

ANYway, what does any of that have to do with Sonoma Grille? Well here is the graph again with Sonoma plotted on it – near the upper edge of really-good-for-the-price-but-not-consistently-exceptional.

Awww gad it sounds like I am such a harsh critic! Well, I sort of am. If my money and my calories are going somewhere it better be damn good. Now, I said that Sonoma is not consistently exceptional. For example, one of the courses they brought out was an Avocado and Crabmeat Tian, which is like a mixture of chunks of avocado, tomato, and onion (basically an unmashed guacamole) on a crunchy crostini type of disc with some spicy aioli underneath and big chunks of crab on top. This dish is, in my opinion, pretty stereotypical to the whole Californian cuisine thang. Not that they have to be a super inventive restaurant or anything, but there was nothing remarkable about the idea of this dish. It comes straight off the Sonoma-california-dining-experience-concept. In execution, I think the non-guac was nothing more than the sum of its parts (although each part was individually exceptional). The crispy disc thing added a lot to the texture, but then it was the spicy aioli that carried the dish to greatness. The combination did not quite converge to one tight flavor package – and I probably wouldn’t get it again for that reason– but it was alright. The crab meat itself was exceptional, sweet and not too wet but still succulent. Just that meat in isolation was my favorite part of this dish.

Another dish they served us that I had mixed feelings about was the Char Su Duck. This was SOOOOO good, I mean, the duck specifically. The waiter (who was awesome and excited as F’ about his job) was explaining the cooking process and why it is particularly suitable to the duck dish, because it has delicious effects on the skin and flavor of the meat. And that it did. This dish was essentially a Peking Duck style and flavor; again not super original, but super delicious. The skin was truly amazing. It was extremely crispy-chewy, a rare but coveted combo. It was the kind of thing where it gets stuck in your molars and you get to enjoy its savoriness for a while after your meal has already come and gone. Sorry if that grosses anyone out, but to be perfectly truthful, I think this is a positive attribute and I was super happy with this aspect of the dish. The aspect I was less happy about was the overall design of the entrée, as it sat atop a bed of aromatic rice with a garnish of some string bean-y thing. There was NOTHING wrong with the flavor of these items, they too were also delicious (the rice had a nice, strong ginger finish to it); however, if I were to order this as a meal instead of as the taster’s sample I received, I would have been a bit disappointed in the relative ubiquity of the flavor palate. For an entrée, I look for a more dynamic range so that I am not over it by the last bite. I guess it just seemed a bit too plain overall to be placed as an entrée. However, if you could get it as an appetizer (or, I hate to say it, ate it tapas style) it would be absolutely freakin’ perfect.

I guess another way to put my conceptualization of a viable entrée is that it should cause me to have the feeling of “oh god, I never want this to end!!” And then maybe a, “mmmm, oooh baby yahhhhhh right there.” And while I didn’t get that vibe from the Char Su Duck, I DEFINITELY DID from the Moroccan Braised Lamb Ravioli! Oh wow – this was SO great. Even my dining companion, who is a self-reported food novice and relatively tentative to try new foods, found this to be explosively good. The mixture of all the ingredients was transcendent. Basically, set before us were multi-bite pasta pillows of warmly-spiced tender lamb (cardamom, nutmeg, clove, etc, succulently braised into the meat), covered with a pile of deliciousness that consisted of San Marzano tomatoes (the best tomatoes out of Italy, in case you don’t know, and you should buy them in cans for home cooking, if you can find them, because I promise you that your tomato-based chili, soup, or sauce will never have tasted brighter), and then all this other stuff mixed in, like dates and, strangely, capers. The capers could seem the odd man out, a salty burst amongst otherwise harmonious warm flavors, but they were sparingly used and sneakily created the perfect balance. The whole contraption was laid on top of a minty cucumber yogurty drizzle that complemented the overall landscape of the dish like it was the Pacific Ocean accepting the setting sun of Casablanca into its evening embrace. This was by far my favorite thing that we ate and exemplarily achieves my ideal entrée as a dish of ingredients melding together such that you forget its components ever existed as individuals. A marriage that could last beyond its 75th anniversary, you could say. Sincere thanks to the chef on this concoction – if I ever have the money I will definitely be back to delight in this dish, strongly reminiscent of a top 5 meal of my life at a Moroccan Tagine resaurant in Paris.

As long as I am talking about things I was impressed by, I’ll also mention that the Local Beet Salad, which was topped with candied pecans and feta, was earthy, bright, and creamy-savory all at once, and the beets were just al dente in the most pleasing way. This dish, although also not particularly original, was well executed and I wholeheartedly recommend it if you are into that sort of thing. There was also a delightful little amuse-bouche springroll type of thing stuffed with mushrooms on top of a slightly spicy sauce, which was an excellent little mouthful to start the whole meal adventure with. I also, generally, really like that they try to use local ingredients as much as possible, a la the Sonoma County slow-food dining philosophy. In the fertile land that is California, this style of sustainable restauranteuring is more easily achievable; however, Pittsburgh and its surrounding countryside pose a significantly more challenging environment. Kudos to their effort – even if their radius of ‘local’ is a bit wide, it is a major bonus in my book (although they got lucky that the darling of America’s-High-End-Restaurant-Lamb is Jamison Farms, not 40 miles from us in Latrobe, PA. Or maybe it’s more like we got lucky…).

Overall, I think Sonoma Grille is commendable on several fronts, albeit lacking in some ingenuity. Always, all the components of each dish are delectable and perfected, but their convergence to an upper stratosphere of flavor coherence isn’t guaranteed. However, for some dishes they really hit that superior stride, and for those I’d come back and spend my real hard-earned cash. And I promise you – I will – because they’ll be getting a second review as soon as they’ve forgotten who I am and I can get the standard rando plebe treatment sans delicious promotional meal.

And for that moment, I can’t wait! (MMMMM more lamb ravioli!!)

GET
* OMGplzgetanorderofthe Moroccan Braised Lamb Ravioli
* Based purely on my assessment of this restaurant’s capabilities and not at all on having actually had it, I’d wager that the Prosciutto Wrapped Diver Scallops would be excellent. (1) The chef is very careful with the cooking of the meats, (2) the prosciutto is from La Quercia Farms, which is an excellent purveyor of preserved pork products and you should consider ordering a little baggie of prosciutto side bits or speck from them, for adding into any old omelet you might cook on a Sunday or a browned butter and fresh pasta dish, and (3) diver scallops are the bomb dot com.

DON’T GET
The ice cream sandwich trio dessert – had structural problems, as some cookies were too hard to cut through with a fork, the ice cream was then hard to handle in conjunction with that, and one of the flavor combos was just kinda unappealing. Though if you can just get a scoop of the probably-seasonal pumpkin ice cream, DEF do it!

SNEAKY TIP
This ain’t so sneaky I guess, but they will do wine pairings with your meal, and our waiter had excellent, excellent taste in wine and a deep, thorough understanding of the relationship of many of the wines to the specific items on the menu. In some cases, I felt almost as if the food complemented the wine, more than the other way around. Certainly, the wine that went with the Beet Salad was much improved during the eating of the beets. Other times it was more of a two-way street, as the Avocado and Crab Tian seemed to have a mutual understanding with the white wine paired with it. The Tian benefitted from this pairing in such a cohesive way, it was almost as if the wine was the piece I had been missing upon eating it in isolation – the rug that tied the f’in room together. Any which way, if you are interested in splurging on an actual quality wine-food pairing, hit up Sonoma Grille, and a tall guy named Eric specifically.

And finally…..

HOW DO YOU WIN MONEY TO EAT LAMB RAVIOLI????!!!!!!
I liked that dang Moroccan Lamb Ravioli so much that I now want to eat odd, interesting raviolis all the time! But, where have all the interesting raviolis gone? I need YOU to tell me. Leave a comment with your favorite odd or interesting ravioli that you’ve eaten in Pittsburgh. If you just have had exceptional ravioli that’s not so odd but you think needs representation, send that along instead. You have till January, at which time I will commence eating said raviolis and determining whose recommendation I like best. And whoever that is – gets $25 for Sonoma Grille! BY the way, the suggestions are first-come-first-serve, so if two people suggest a place, then the first one gets the credit. Sorry dudes.

Oh Ritter’s. You are so….  Ritter’s!  This place has so much individuality, it is practically its own person.  And more than any other place I know in Pittsburgh, everyone I’ve talked to is completely polarized about it.  They either got burned by or are totally in love with the gritty, bitter bitch that is Ritter’s. There’s a lot to like honestly: cheap, open all the time, you can go there totally plastered (totally), foods not TOO crappy, it is located kind of close to the universities, and it provides the most fabulous people watching.  The main complaint people have is the service, which I’ll just call ‘saucy’ for now, but this just makes it quintessentially Ritter’s.  Apparently other people than me actually love the whole feel of it, because there exists a chain theme restaurant called Ed Debevic’s that tries to replicate the environment by training their wait staff to be subtly abusive.  But we don’t need any chains here because we’ve got our very own, real life version of such a place in Ritter’s, and let me tell you — Ed’s got nothin on her.

There’s a lot of little things I love about Ritter’s.  I love that the name outside has been slowly destroyed such that is no longer says “RITTER’S”, but now just reads as “PITT”.  Specifically, I love that they have decided to just leave it like that.  It is so awesome.  Also, I love the font used for the lettering.  I love all the crazy people you see in Ritter’s.  Any time of the day is good for people watching, but 2-6 am is definitely the finest hour for their clientele.  People are SO DRUNK and hilarious, leading to some good friendly interactions with a random assortment of people (though I have seen hostility as well).  You’ll see crazy outfits too!  For example, last night we witnessed a pleather stirrup pants jumpsuit with a jean jacket that had a cutout back — INTENSELY AWESOME!  Sightings like this are totally regular at Ritter’s, and it is the best.  I also like the broke-ass table-side jukeboxes that are all connected, which seems cool until someone puts on an entire Barry Manilow album.  But then that is fun too because you look around wondering which table thought that was a good idea.

No review of Ritter’s would be complete without more detail about the service staff.  They are what I like to think of as charmingly sassy and mean, foul-mouthed in their hospital nurse uniforms.  It is sort of funny when they just leave you sitting at your table forever, or when they throw down your cheese fries and its literally just a slice of american placed on top of a regular plate of fries. It never really bothers me because I think it is a job that just sucks, and I totally empathize with them, waitress or cook.  I would not want to work there, and I am just glad they do.  Plus, because the utter shittiness of their job surrounds you, when they are even remotely sweet to you then all of a sudden you feel like a million bucks.  A Ritter’s waitress can wield great power.

In spite of my own love of this aspect of Ritter’s, I do feel obligated to mention that there are times when they tow the line and the restaurant ceases to function under the normal, unspoken rules of service.  These are the most simple of rules, such as the rule that what a person orders should be what is brought to them.  One time a big group of us went to Ritter’s wanting chocolate milkshakes, except for Joe. Joe wanted a slice of apple pie and a vanilla milkshake. You see, vanilla and apple pie is a good combo (no need to tell you why), whereas chocolate and apple pie … eh, it just isn’t the same thing. So the lady takes our order: 5 chocolate shakes and “a slice of apple pie with a vanilla shake”.  She says to Joe “naw darlin’, you want chocolate”, to which he replies “no, see, I want vanilla – to go with the apple pie” to which SHE replies “nah, you want chocolate” and leaves.

She brought back a slice of apple pie, and 6 chocolate shakes.

Everyone I know has a story like this for Ritter’s (perhaps even yourself). For some people, events like this keep them from ever going back, and to each his own on this.  I have to admit I’ve been burned enough to take breaks from Ritter’s, but I always come crawling back.  I just can’t stay away from her!  Plus it serves a vital function.  If you have a need for diner food at 4am (after even Primanti’s and the O are closed), the only places to go are Ritter’s and Eat ‘n’ Park. And Eat ‘n’ Park is fine and all, probably better for the food (which hilariously I haven’t even mentioned yet, in spite of this being a restaurant review), but Ritter’s is where all the character and adventure is at for sure.  Go at your own risk, and enjoy the ride.

Get:
Chocolate Milkshakes
Fried Green Tomatoes

SNEAKY TIP:
Cash only.  There’s an ATM, but its a $2 fee.  Yuk.  Come prepared.

In Pittsburgh we have no shortage of delicious, locally owned restaurants, as you can see from the loads of reviews posted here.  But, these are mostly sit-down with entrées and service, best for dinner.  When it comes to lunchtime, ‘burghers are often at the mercy of national chains like Subway, Quizno’s, McDonald’s, Qdoba, Chipotle, etc.  Don’t get me wrong, those chains have a place and a time (maybe), but I want more from my lunch.  Where’s all the delis in this town anyway?  I’m on the hunt, and my first stops are naturally emanating outwards from my location of actual employment (no, I do not get paid one iota for this website, whatever an iota is).  First stop, for no other reason reason, is Eat Unique.  It may not be fast, or particularly cheap, but their sandwiches are eponymously creative, and when they are good they are eminently satisfying.

Actually, Eat Unique is a new name for an old place.  Before its most recent name change, it was Craig St. Coffee, and it served almost identical food.  In fact, I’m not sure if Eat Unique saw a change in ownership at all.  If it is just a name change, I’d be curious to know just what the reason was.  The only thing I can think of, which is very unlikely, is that there exists a small segment of aging hipsters who I happen to know refused to go to Craig St. Coffee because when it moved into town and replaced the previous restaurant in that location, Buns & Udders, the Craig St Coffee people painted over what was apparently the awesomest cow mural ever.  Now, I can see their point – cow murals are totally awesome – but refusing to eat Tomato Soup with Feta Cheese?  Sounds like a case of ‘overprincipled’ to me (although, to be fair, I never did see this mural with my own eyes).

The food here is by and large tasty.  They’ve got all the standard lunch fair: soups, salads, cold sandwiches, hot sandwiches, coffee, tea, and bakery items.  These offerings are sometimes just straight up classics, like a Reuben or BLT, but often there is a slight twist.  So… tomato soup with feta.  Or a chicken sandwich, Hawaiian style.  Or a meatloaf melt with blue cheese and BBQ sauce.  This is the kind of place where you’ll find golden raisins instead of regular, lots of different kinds of bread (toasted and grilled),  and spring greens, balsamic vinaigrette, pesto, and banana peppers as regular toppings.  Oh, and of course they have wraps.  In this century, everyone has to sell a wrap, lest they be mistaken for an old-person restaurant or someplace located in a state like Arkansas or Idaho.

So they get bonus points for their consistent attempts at sandwich originality.  I have to warn you, though, sometimes the sandwich does not quite pull together like you’d imagine.  For example, the day I noticed the Hawaiian style chicken sandwich I immediately had all sorts of hopes and dreams for how it would solve many of my lunch, life, and also the world’s problems.  I thought, based on the description it must be the most amazing delightful sandwich in history. C’mon: Chicken salad topped with crushed pineapple, roasted red peppers, and shredded provolone cheese; baked in a sour dough sub roll, garnished with field greens and balsamic vinaigrette?  Sounds frickin’ awesome, right?  Sadly, it just doesn’t live up.  For me.  Especially for $7.  Something about the sourdough-provolone interaction, or the pineapple-balsamic combo…

But that’s just me. Mostly you have to try a lot of different things to find what appeals to you here.  And you should definitely give it more than one chance because there are loads of really delicious things.  I lovvvvve the fresh mozzerella baguette.  It reminds me of this Bread Salad stuff I make at home sometimes, and also is reminiscent of the best bruschetta of my life, at a dinky pizza place called Gigi’s in Jensen Beach, FL, where ostensibly the owner has three balls (note: I have not fact-checked this piece of info yet).  At Eat Unique, I also love that if I just want a little soup, I can get a cheap hunk of baguette to eat it with.  I also love that they have the most AMAZING herbal iced tea ever, only one available at a time, on rotation (currently a delicious Blood Orange, but it used to be the most amazing Peppermint).  And I love that they have Chocolate Chip and Sea Salt cookies.  People definitely do not appreciate this sweet and salty combination of flavors nearly enough.  You gotta dip your fries in your Frosty, guys!

So Eat Unique is going to stay put, for a while I am sure.  It doesn’t always live up, but it does most of the time, and for that reason I will always be their customer.  Plus they have a really giant eating area now, which is much improved from the early years (though I wish they’d fix the ordering and pick-up area, which is annoyingly cramped and confusing for everyone involved).  Moreover, this place is excellent for vegetarians, who can find the same sandwich creativity extended towards all-veg fare.  If you are in Oakland on the CMU end of things, or are planning a trip to the Carnegie, and want an interesting and probably pretty good lunch in the ‘deli’ category, you should definitely try this place.  It all around qualifies as good.

GET:
Iced tea
Fresh Mozz Baguette is my current pick
Soups

UNDERWHELMING:
Hawaiian Chicken Sub
Sweet Bean Hummus Sandwich      (I was very sad about this; I really wanted this to be the best ever!!)

SNEAKY TIP:
The lunch hours are ridiculously slow here, and to be honest, the non-lunch hours are still ridiculously slow.  If you are at all pressed for time, do NOT order something from the grill.  In fact you may be best off not ‘ordering’ anything at all and instead getting one of their pre-packed things to go, like a salad, or phoning in your order ahead of time.  But then at lunchtime, you’ll still have to wait in line.  If you have the flexibility, I’d say just don’t go until after about 1:30 or 2pm.

Gotta say – this has been an interesting month.  And on top of that, I’ve been hitting up an unusual category of restaurant: the kind that you’ve noticed around town and that sticks in your mind but that you never even think to actually go to.  They give off some kind of vibe, like ‘don’t come in here, we’re full of old people and haven’t changed our recipes in 40 years’.  I’m saying places like Duranti’s on Craig and Fifth, Lombardozzi’s on Liberty, and Tokyo, that place next to the Shur-Sav in Bloomfield.  Typically, the food is as stale as the recipes, but not bad – I call it ‘fine’.  I have always kind of figured Jimmy Tsang’s was in this category — it’s just that Chinese place with the somewhat elaborate blue tile veneer and the liquor license, somewhere on Baum or Centee, maybe near Negley, that I have never personally known anyone to go into or come out of and just somehow never made it to myself.  Well this weekend I went, and though some of that vibe is correct (on a Saturday night their clientele was a handful of tables flocked with the elderly), the food was better than I expected and the menu selection was much better that I expected.  Perhaps even more pleasing, the prices weren’t too shabby, and their selection of import and micro beers was quality.  I think I might even go here again sometime.

Probably the first notable thing about Jimmy Tsang’s is experiencing the décor, which is slightly outdated Chinese-theme.  One of the side effects of being the kind of Chinese restaurant that servers older generations is that the Chinese Glamour Factor is typically very high.  CGF is the amount to which a restaurant plays up its Chinese-y-ness to appease its clientele.  Pagoda-style archways, red hanging tassle-y things, wood carvings, replicas of ships, etc.  Old people eat that shit up!

I mean everyone loves it I think, but old people REALLY love it.  That generation, comprised of individuals who were young consumers during and after World War II, seemed to have driven the Chinese Glamour Factor very high a few decades ago.  My personal hypothesis is that it was the pressures of nationalism that shaped the development of American-Chinese restaurant décor.  Once the Japanese entered the war there was a backlash in America, which perhaps drove other Asian business owners to accentuate their unique culture in order to establish differentiation from what had recently become disagreeable to the public mindset.  The end result was ever more elaborate interior and exterior decors.  And chop suey.  Well maybe that theory is bull… but think of how many abandoned, windowless, solid brick, slopey-pointy-roofed buildings with giant circular doorways you see as you drive around the smaller towns of America!  Vestiges of a past even more extravagant.

Sure, most restaurants today have suggestions of culture peppered throughout the interior, but it has become remarkable when a restaurant really grabs the Chinese glamour by the horns and serves it the hell up.  And I’m not talking about P.F. Chang’s here – that’s more like a Chinese-restaurant theme themed restaurant for people who are afraid to go to actual Chinese restaurants (yeah, that’s right – I said it).  I’m talking about old skool Chinese restaurant theme.  And Jimmy Tsang’s is kinda bringin’ it.

Now, personally, I am most interested in the quality of the food.  I don’t need good service or an interesting decorating scheme if the food is off the hook (or maybe ever).  The food at Jimmy Tsang’s was actually alright, yeah pretty good.  The menu was huge and had several interesting items on it, not typically found at your middle of the road Chinese restaurant.  Additionally, there was a Korean section in back that had a mixture of Korean (barbecue, bulgogi) and Japanese-y food (udon, yakitori), so there is plenty to explore here.  Moreover, they have a couple of meal sets (‘family’ and ‘grand’) that bring you soup, appetizers, and multiple entrees such that you get a little sampling of different tastes, and they are a fair deal ($12/person for ‘family’).

Four of the five of us got this meal special, and the fifth got Buddah’s Delight (vegetables in a light sauce).  She wasn’t to get soup with her meal; however, because the Hot & Sour soup was so spectacular when it arrived we ended up getting an extra order so that she could enjoy it and share it with the one guy unlucky enough to have picked the wonton.  Seriously, for Pittsburgh this was some really good Hot & Sour all around.  But the most special part to me was the little slivers of meat, which were cooked in some kind of double-floured method, making the texture just a little different than plain slivers of meat… more succulent with a really pleasant, kind of soft exterior.  I used to think that China Palace had my favorite Hot & Sour, but they might have just been beat.

We also got a plate of beige appetizers.  For each of us, there was an eggroll (standard, mundane), a triangularly folded hard fried pocket of unidentified filling (totally not worth eating), and then something really good: a tin foil package inside of which was the most delightful piece of marinated chicken I have eaten in a long while.  Sure, it was stuck to the foil such that you had to peel it off, sometimes in little shreds, but it was one freakin’ delicious chicken wad.  Everyone at the table seemed to agree on this matter.

We received four entrees, all of which were totally decent.  I think, for me, I was fond of the Shrimp with Lobster Sauce for all the eggy bits, and the Shredded Pork Szechuan Style, which had slivers of pork cooked similarly to that of the hot & sour soup.  There was also Moo Goo Gai Pan (same as it is everywhere), and Beef with Pea Pods (good but not particularly notable).  Overall, there was no way we could eat all that good food, and we had quite a package to take with us when we left.

All that, plus I have to mention just one more time that the import and micro beer list was appreciated by all, and was nicely priced.  In fact, I might go here just to drink in the weird bar area at the front of the restaurant.  But then I’d miss out on the Hot & Sour soup and what I believe they call ‘paper-wrapped chicken’.  And the more I think about it, the more I want to eat those two things again.  So yeah, I’ll definitely be back here, even with its kinda funky outdated vibe and kinda funky outdated clientele.  The total package certainly isn’t something to write home about, but there are some very good things about this place, and I’ll definitely be back to try some of the more exotic items in the near future.

GET:
Hot and sour soup
Foil wrapped chicken stuff

SNEAKY TIP:
They have those awesome tables with the giant lazy susan in the middle!  They are an endless source of amusement, plus practical.  Totally fun, so try to go in a group of 4-6 to get this kind of table.

I’ve been meaning to go to Pho Minh for a while, and frankly I’m not sure how I went almost 12 years in the city, never going there.  I have to admit, I’ve been a Tram’s enthusiast for some time now and really just haven’t gotten around to breaking the habit.  However, I am aware that there are all these diners out there who prefer Pho Minh adamantly, and so I finally took the time to find out why.

I think of it like this –

Mineo’s : Aiello’s  ::  Tram’s : PhoMinh

And maybe I am not the best food reviewer, because I am also partial to Mineo’s and have been ever since my first bite as a freshman in college.  I keep trying to give Aiello’s the fair shake, but I just prefer Mineo’s every time.  I’m not sure if it is an experience/familiarity thing, or if Mineo’s really is just better to me.  The sauce at Aiello’s is a might bit better, but the crust doesn’t live up.  And then there’s the cheese, and…

OK I am getting sidetracked.  This isn’t a review about Squirrel Hill Pizza wars; this is a review about Penn Avenue Vietnamese.  To be fair, I only have eaten at Pho Minh once so far, and I usually give a restaurant 3 tries before writing it up.  In this case, I think Pho Minh is clearly quality and so I’m writing it up early, even though I have yet to plumb the depths of the menu.

The menu itself is pretty well filled.  For example, they have many different kinds of Pho, with all different types of meat combinations that you can choose from. I really like this, as it kind of reminds me of an expanded Ramen shop in Japan.  And gives the impression that they know their way around the Pho.  I ordered the mixture of rare and well done beef, which was good.  Honestly, the broth could have had more intrinsic flavor before my additions of plum sauce, chili, and basil, and the noodles arrived in a clump that I had to shake apart (only a very minor criticism, since they were perfectly cooked).  However, the beef was certainly tender and delicious, and overall it was quite a pleasing meal. True to that, my dining companion really enjoyed his pho too.

I also got an order of spring rolls.  See, for my first time here I wanted some direct comparisons to Tram’s, so spring rolls and pho of course.  The spring rolls at Pho Minh had a much lighter wrapper than at Tram’s.  Truthfully, last time I was at Tram’s the wrapper was perhaps a bit too chewy, but here I think the wrapper was so flimsy that it just resulted in a mess.  My spring roll contents were all over the place, so much so that I had to develop a technique for eating it — a strategy.  Kind of a pain!  But taste-wise they were fab.  Also, they came with a dipping sauce that was more liquid-y and less peanut-y than at Tram’s.  Still tasty though.

Overall, in spite of their obvious overlap, it comes down to Tram’s and Pho Minh just being a little bit different, in the atmosphere and in the tastes.  And you can pick which one to go to based on your preferences for things.  I had the strangest sensation as I sat down in Pho Minh that I was out to eat at a restaurant in a city other than Pittsburgh, like I had been transported to some other American town with a little Vietnamese hole in the wall.  Probably this is because it is surprisingly nice for its surroundings (Penn Ave restaurants are the best that way).  Pho Minh has a nicer atmosphere overall, so if you can’t handle the sometimes intimidating Tram’s guy, or you like your restaurant to have a little bit less of a cafeteria feel, then you should go here. The menu at Pho Minh’s seemed larger too, and I need to do much more exploration before I can make a statement about food quality overall since all I explored was good ole pho.  However, at first blush the flavors do seem more defined at Tram’s, particularly in the soup broths, so I definitely have some hypothesis testing to do with regard to noodle bowls, rice dishes, etc.  In the end, I think my battle lines may be drawn just like the pizza.  I like Tram’s.  I just do!  I love its grittier atmosphere, intense front man, flavors, and all-walks-of-life crowd.  Pho Minh is delicious, no doubt, and I recommend going there, oh yes, but for me the Tram’s is where it’s at.

GET:
Try out all the different kinds of Pho!  I’ll get back to you about the rest.

SNEAKY TIP:
Try the coconut juice!  It has a little coconut jelly thing in it.  Delish and refreshing!  Also, make sure you drink at least some of it while you are eating your main course, because it plays off the Vietnamese flavors really nicely.  And if you get something spicy it will cool you down.

** cash only**

Well due to recent happenings in my life, not only am I a graduate student, but I am a *poor* graduate student.  So while dining at finer establishments has been fun, I have to refocus my efforts on finding good deals when eating out.  I’m not quite down to the level of a free-gan, scoping the basement hallways of Pitt and CMU for the abandoned pizza of concluded meetings, but I do need to keep a bit of an eye on my budget to make sure I still have enough money left over for beer.  Here enters PhiBar.  PHI offers some really cheap food.  It is not fine dining, nor is it even stellar bar food, but it is dirt cheap and it qualifies as definitively good enough, maybe even better than most for what it is.  And of course, it is a classic Oakland locale to go get diza-runk, so consider going here if you want to eat cheap (but decent) pizza surrounded by wasted (but eye-pleasing) Pitt and CMU kids.

So my first thing to say is a disclaimer:  I hardly qualify as someone who should writeup PHI.  Even though I did my undergrad at Carnegie Mellon, I never once went to PhiBar during that entire time.  Oh yes, I was aware of it, but I made a point of not going.  See, I can be a kind of jaded hater like that sometimes.  But one day a couple years ago, after getting totally margarita’d at Mad Mex (always a good time), my friends Sarah, Sam, and Scott insisted we go there.  These guys are people who frequented PHI during undergrad and who do qualify as people who should writeup this place, and I trust their judgment.  Thus, me being inebriated and therefore more amorous to the world, I let go of my childish stance against PHI and went with them.

I know I am making this seem really dramatic, but it was kind of a big deal!  I used to have almost a rule about not going, and here I was stepping through the threshold?  It felt strange, like somehow I had this secret no one knew, or I was a spy infiltrating the enemy camp.  But then sometimes it would feel like the burning of all eyes upon me (which, of course, was ludicrous).  Total paranoia!

Total paranoia… that is, until I was brought shots of Red Death.  Red Death is this crazy mixture of liquors that magically turns into Kool-Aid, made red by Sloe Gin.  It usually comes as shots but the staff are so amenable that you can convince them to make you a whole glass.  Or a pitcher.  A PITCHER, people!  A pitcher of shots!  And see, this is the beginning of a different impression that I formed about Panther Hollow Inn.  They are super friendly and down to earth!  Well maybe that sounds dumb, but at a lot of places you can’t get a bartender to just be easy-going like that.  The staff here will pretty much do anything you want as long as you are nice about it and you aren’t completely obliterated already.  And it isn’t just the Red Death that is good, or classic, or whatever you want to call it.  They’ve regularly got good deals on beers and other drinks, all of which are great.  For drinking, you really can’t go wrong at the Panther Hollow Inn — unless you don’t like the atmosphere (makey-outy) or crowd (truly brimming with young bodies).

Months after this initial experience, I needed a lunch spot, and noticed while walking by that their pizza specials were incredibly cheap, like everything is less than $10 cheap.  And I went in for lunch and found that their subs were ridiculously cheap too.  A half a sub is typically $4 or less, and is actually quite large.  It’s not like the 6-incher at Subway, which leaves your stomach whining for more.  A PhiBar sub and a couple of beers will fill you up, and cost you only $6-$8.  That is a freakin’ deal in my book.  Quality-wise, the subs are fine.  Nothing super amazing, plus they always seem to be out of eggplant (I think that maybe they just put that on the menu for appearances), but they are fine.  I have repeatedly spent money on them, so that means they are at least a little bit good.  The pizza is usually solidly good, though.  The dough is good, the sauce is good, the cheese is good, the toppings are good, and the price is really right, so it is a good deal all around.  Especially four or five drinks in.

Essentially all you need to know is that its cheap and pretty good here.  I wouldn’t take your parents here.  I wouldn’t take a date here (unless it is one of those things where you aren’t officially on a date but you think you might hookup, and you are only interested in hooking up anyway and have no future intentions of a real relationship).  Also, I wouldn’t take anyone who is bothered by smoke here.  I would, however, have lunch here, as it is generally quiet during the middle of the day.  I would meet friends after work, get drunk and eat pizza here.  I would chat with the bartender about my woes here.  I would play darts here.  Basically, any casual, fun time I’d totally go here for, and weirdly, I feel welcome even on those nights when everyone around me is 8-10 years my junior.  It is just a good, relaxing place to be, straddling the line of dive and sports bar, and I’m sorry I only just recently got off my high horse to give it a chance.

GET:
Pizza and Beer!
Red Death, if you are curious
Cheap subs at lunch

SNEAKY TIP:
Bathrooms are not so great.  That isn’t really a sneaky tip, but I thought I should mention it somehow.  This is very much a college bar, and has restrooms commensurate with that.

What is a CSA?
CSA stands for Community Supported Agriculture, and it is a service where a local farm will deliver its fresh vegetables and fruits directly to your part of town just for you. This happens usually on a weekly basis, and the veggies are only those that are in season at that moment. The veggies are always freshly picked, and you get them for much cheaper than you would at the store. An additional benefit is that you are spending your money on your community by supporting the local farmers.

I meant to post this article months ago, but as it turns out, it isn’t too late to still sign up for your local Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) membership!!! I’m not sure about the availablility of all of them, but Harvest Valley Farms definitely still has open slots, and they recently added two drop-off locations for CMU and Chatham employees.

What CSAs are there in Pittsburgh?
None of the CSAs in Pittsburgh deliver straight to your door, but some of them have nearby delivery locations (as near as a block away from your house). The following is a short list of the ones that deliver to the city or near the city. There are many more to choose from, if you would like to pick up your veggies from the farm.

THE CSA LIST:
Kretschmann Farm
~June 1st – Thanksgiving, plus optional winter deliveries
~Price: Small Share: ~$20/week
They have over 30 drop off sites in and around the city, and there is sure to be one very close to your home. This farm is all organic, has excellent business and hiring practices, and you can tell them veggies you never want, or veggies you want lots of. Finally, you can get fair-trade organic coffee, locally raised free-range chickens, and locally raised free-range beef. Reed and I used Kretschmann Farm last year, and we were pretty happy with it. Sometimes the veggies, especially the greens, were full of bugs and slugs, but I think this is to be expected with entirely organic produce. In general, the staff is very caring about the quality of their product.

Harvest Valley Farms
~May 31 – November 8th
~Price: Small Share: ~ $17/week
This farm has many fewer drop-off sites, but there are some in the city. It seems from the application that you can’t choose your veggies, but it isn’t clear. It isn’t entirely organic, but their philosophy is to use the least amount of chemical pesticides necessary. They just added Chatham and CMU as drop-off sites for the university employees.

Cherry Valley Organics
~Price: A la carte, so it changes every week
This one has only a couple of drop off sites, none of which are in the city. The drop off sites are mostly in the suburbs (Mt Lebanon, Sewickley, etc) but they seem open to forming new drop off sites to meet member needs. One interesting thing about Cherry Valley organics is that you can choose every veggie you want every week – it is sort of a la carte CSA. You can get chicken, beef, pork, and eggs also through them.

Wilden Family Farms (PORK ONLY)
~Price: Full Share Sampler: $67 (~16 lbs of pork, of various cuts). Extra for additional a la carte meats.
They have all different cuts of pork available. The cottage bacon is especially delicious, like Italian Pancetta. It looks like they might deliver through the above-listed Harvest Valley Farms, or to Laptop Butchershop in Pittsburgh.

FINAL NOTE:
I was extremely pleased with my CSA membership last year, as were several other people I know who got one. If you would like to know more about it before you purchase one, just email me – I am happy to talk more about it!